My credit card is heating up… it’s on fire!

My credit card is heating up… it’s on fire!


When my cousin Shelley set me the challenge of scoring courtside tickets at Madison Square Garden, I thought to myself, “Bitch be trippin’!”…

Because that’s how I imagine American basketballers talk.

I actually had the pleasure of cheering on both teams from the nosebleed section in a Knicks/Bulls game in 2003, but courtside tickets? That’s the kind of thing only the Beyoncés and Jay-Zs (or Justin Biebers and Selena Gomezes) of this world can afford.

Back then, after forking out for the tickets to New York, I could barely afford to tip the surly waitress at the ‘Seinfeld’ cafe! With a wedding now to pay for, and countless other challenges besides, I’m starting to think the closest I’m going to come these days is sitting really close to the TV and watching ‘Space Jam’ on DVD.

In my heyday I played basketball for about 10 years. I never got any good at it, but I enjoyed it immensely. With all of my siblings and even my Dad playing at various times, I practically lived down at the basketball stadium. I knew everyone there and I’m pretty sure my two high school boyfriends had to duke it out on the courts at least once (some might say it was for my affection… others might say it was for a plastic “runner up” trophy. I guess we’ll never really know…)

Back then I attended Sydney Kings games at the Entertainment Centre on a fairly regular basis with my then-boyfriend’s basketball-mad family. I got within high-fiving distance of the whole team when they played a display game at our local stadium (learning that, despite looking freakishly short alongside his teammates, Shane Heal was actually pretty bloody tall). I even went to see the basketball at the Sydney Olympics! Those were the golden days of basketball in Australia…

Back before Soccer came and kicked it’s orange-dimpled butt back to 1995.

In spite of the sport’s downward spiral in Australia, it seems it’s still popular in the US. At least, that’s what I concluded when I saw the following headline hit my inbox:

“Courtside Seats for Knicks/Nets Season Opener Cost Up to $8,100”.

…with regular tickets averaging at $800 each!

I’ve seen greying groupies grope Jon Bon Jovi live onstage with his permission for less than that! I don’t have that kind of cash!

From Day 1 I always said that I’d accept the challenge no matter what, and I have. I still buy the occasional lottery ticket in the hopes that I’ll win enough to justify blowing over 20 grand on a single game of a sport that most people have forgotten ever existed. So far, I’ve had no luck.

Pretty soon I think we’re going to have to resort to desperate measures… and Dad? I think you’re going to have to sell that basketball card collection of yours! Surely it’s skyrocketed in value to at least 20 grand by now?


… No?


Who wants to play NBA Jam while we think up a Plan C?


9 responses »

  1. ‘even’ my Dad played … I’ll have you know I played from the age of about 19 until mid 40s and mixed it actually WITH at least two former Kings players. I think I may have a ‘signed’ Shane Heal card in that collection but it’s money value is roughly that of a VHS Space Jam tape

    • How *old* were these former kings players? Lol jk. We all know you were a basketball ninja. Who else but your children can say their Dad got banned from the stadium for 3(?) months for standing up to Bruce the Goose?

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