It’s probably not all that surprising but I’ve become quite busy of late.
I’m exhausted, and to make matters worse? Tomorrow, I up that ante just a little bit.
Tomorrow I have a writing course to help me nut out my book idea for list item number 24 ‘Write a Book’. I received an email reminder yesterday requesting that I “bring an example of (my) recent work to share this on the first day”.
I have written not a single word in preparation and I suspect I may feel a little intimidated on my first day. I have but the kernel of an idea, which I’m not sure will even fly once it sees the light of day.
I haven’t “put myself out there” like this in quite some time. I’m too embarrassed to even talk about my idea on this blog, which is saying something since I seem to vomit up every other thought that crosses my mind in this forum.
I have the one advantage… I’m not writing to be published (which I can imagine would be a stressful undertaking). I will publish myself if I have to.
Yesterday my singing teacher and I were discussing struggling artists. Artists come in many forms but the common thread is that they “create”. It’s hard being an artist (at least, according to him). I don’t know that I’m up to the task. All those people judging me. The effort involved in writing a book is massive and to imagine that all this will achieve is a few polite nods of approval from my nearest and dearest is a little frightening. As much as I appreciate their opinions I can’t stand the thought of forcing them into a state of politeness for my sake. We’re rarely polite. It would feel wrong.
Working in the adult education field I have a huge respect for courses of the kind I’m about to undertake… as well as the expert opinion I will enjoy. I expect to learn a lot tomorrow and I hope it helps me in my quest to write a book. Problem is, I’m my own worst critic and the last thing I want is to produce something I’m too embarrassed to launch into the world.
At birth I was blessed with a shield that protects me from embarrassment. Most of the time I just don’t care. But I’m only human. I care when it comes to something I hold close to my heart.
So, while I should be getting stuck into some sort of draft outline at least, I write this blog. The challenge was to ‘Write a book’ not ‘Write a GOOD book’. For that small technicality, I am grateful.
My heroine in the author stakes is probably Ann M. Martin (and if you don’t know who that is, don’t expect me to tell you). This woman taught me half of what I know about entrepreneurship (and my Dad taught me the other half). She also taught me the meaning of the word “trepidation”, which is pretty apt, given the circumstances. I’d love to inspire young girls in a similar way instead of sending them off to domestically violent relationships à la Bella Swan.
One day, maybe I’ll find the guts to achieve that goal. For now, I’m just working up the guts to turn up to my class tomorrow.
Wish me luck!
Any last minute plot suggestions?